Catch 22 Hobson's Choice -to Achieve Beauty Not What You Expect

Great so you have an important meeting about the project that is to create beauty , with a gate keeper and begin chatting like a mynah bird, not not realising that the person you are talking to - is not with you . Why because the document you thought you had sent to them - you actually did not - because you had spent so much time sending various documents (by email of course) to so many people - it was clearly an oversight . Hilarious really ! However further discussions took place that were constructive . An even more satisfactory meeting took place for the first time between the staging deviser ace and the digital designer ace on the team . A meeting of great minds - powerful , wonderful to see. To the point. (previous drawings of stage design were poured over ) whereby we all have seen the centre piece, in terms of our core creative digital stage prop. A thing so great and wonderous , as to inspire real awe as far as I am concerned. With its abilities to work real magic ! No the knot in the pit of my stomach, all revolves around key decisions (time is pressing now ), as to where to go for money and exactly how much - e.g. request less (to get a quick positive decison hopefully and get more needed later ?) or more (with a longer turn around- take the risk to ask for exactly what you need with maybe a negative decision ?) It is all rather like gambling (I do not gamble except in my arts of course ) really only much worse. All the funding options look feasible till on further examination,there is some big decisions (the criteria and the steer being given to by funders for you to follow) then makes it all look far less attractive, in terms of what the actually project needs- Catch 22, six of one half a dozen of the other . One good thing recently amongst all this funding angst, is I have come up with more important details about one of the characters for the piece. In addition I have written a type of treatment to progress matters technically. I am very happy (I so enjoy my writing ) about this, as there was some things missing... Also it looks we have have film video etc.production facilities/resources to use over the summer . As of today it looks like we have recruited a recommended film maker /photographer to work with us . A meeting with the local univerisity is planned to discuss more formalised partnership arrangements. With a view to knowledge transfer, innovative artists in the community and access to their resources. the Project Advisory board have their information, to set up more formally for a meeting . So we keep moving foward ....

'Diunt Get Frit' - Wax In Sync With The Moon...

How to say this ,its been gloomy (but the moon is waxing) with everyone down about arts cuts. But I have with my collaborators namely Simon and Sean so far been busy bees , we are waxing marvellously along . Getting so much work done at last at last ! Development really perking up so to recap , deadline for sharing work in progress august 2012, theatre meetings for support and joy of joys (my inner geek rejoices ) getting to devise and work out a pilot creative digital platform for performance Whoopeep doo - in a digital media centre !!! Not to mention an agreement to move forward with a big arts centre to comission original contemporary acoustic and electronic music , musicians, workshops, choir to learn the music and a debut performance of the music work , plus other performance dates . There has been great help and advice and more importantly hope, now available in high places. So vital with the recent arts cuts laying waste to artists dreams and hopes - bitter anger and rage, with hardened cyncism toward goverment and funding bodies raging. I will gird my loins, but also diunt get frit (leicester slang for dont be afraid) with regard to grant funding shennigans. However it is different this time- more powerful champions, complete with their own not inconsiderable juicy resources, that the project requires YAY !. Transparency is the key, see how diverse the arts can be in these 'middle lands 'are or will be . This project clearly will be a litmus test , for clear criteria , real fairness and so forth . But most of all this project is will/ be the most groundbreaking amazing fantastic thing ever in these parts..I love it that not quite everyone has realised this yet...but they will. The fun is back now (I was dancing- working recently to work out the size of my performance platform to be built as part of the staging) we have moved so much further forward with everything !

Treatment, Transliteracy & Innovators Elastic Brain Loops

I am getting on with writing various types of material to be generated , synopsis, a treatment to communciate exactly what the show is how it works, and what it looks like and what audience will see and experience e.g. key moments in performance and technical events etc. There is also the poetic text that drapes around this architecture . This all brings me back to the 'transliteracy' (a term I'a not not keen on as it makes me always think of that which is written whether e.g. words, or code etc) idea. I have taken for granted the fact that I do alot of different things. Always have done (often discoverd through adversity ) and they have been well received or performed to a high level. In particular I have enjoyed being familiar this time round with all the different processes involved . Plus the all the new ones my elastic brain loops around happily. Music Acoustic & Digital Electronica Literature Dance/Physical Theatre Visual Art Mixed Media (film & photgraphy ) Make Up/Fashion & Style. Working on this project gives me a great opportunity and much enjoyment , to bring all these different things together in a unique way. To find the interstices ,the cracks , spaces between them as well as what cuts across/ through them . Yet having some kind of holistic vision of it all. Technolgy is to play with, to explore and even take liberties with. For me the body and human experience its myriad of expressions is paramount. This has always lead and informed my use of technolgy..Working within a space of the creative tension in discovering the very real limitations of a piece of technology - as well as its potentialities . Celebrating the happenestance and the unlooked for discoveries (all the wrong or incorrect ) things found when fully engaged, in the 'zone' so to speak. I feel like someone who speaks so many different languages in arts multi - media etc,. So that I can be heard and understood get the best of of kit etc, and vice a versa . But that I have an approach , a way of being and communicating that people, often find hard to actually understand fully and/seem remote stand offish rather than engaging. Am I experiencing a sort of cultural 'lock out' because of it, am I a notional threat in some way,as I have such a different background to them maybe ? Surely that is what diversityis all about isnt it . A I am so conversant or transliterateif you prefer . Due to the fact, that I have often made my own discoveries and continue to do...We shall see if I am able to communciate my own cultural perspective and natural ability that I have developed on, to others - including, peers in the coming weeks ....

Give Me The Lights & the Magic Mirror ....

I had a brilliant time today, doing a guided tour of a digtial media centre with Sean and myself, of the excellent equipment and studio facilities (some mac some pc kit audio visual etc.). We envisage using over the summer, to pilot the creative digital visual ideas for the project. In our subsequent meeting together, it became clear, that what was needed was a joint (myself and Sean) presentation, to the various groups associated with this digital media centre, to explain the project. To present its vision and its innovative collaborative nature to them . This way we maybe able to access the resources that we would require. they would benefit from a being involved in a very exciting innovative collaborative project that would benefit student learning and experience.

The deadline for this is the next three weeks. It would also help to get on board also, possible MA students to work with us as a summer project. As part of the creative digital team. With another more experienced person in the field of film/technical etc. to work alongside Sean. This is a bigger creative digital team than previously planned, to create and test the performance platform for the piece . Further decisions are to be made, as to whether we have the correct amount and type of equipment to buy- in order to tour with. In addition - what equipment we would use in-house in theatre venues (we would need very detailed information of equipment , layout , power points etcc here ), arts venues in phase 2 of the project (i.e. installations).

Importantly, we agreed on a combination of classic theatrical lighting techniques with state of the art creative digital still & moving images, to work seamlessly woven into the narrative drama and movement. In particular to move the dramatic character between locations and time zones in a very sutble way. For strictly limited use of interactive software for particular dramatic moments . Other modes of interactvity are possible with other digital moving visuals. Importantly to use the dressing room of the diva character - as a core theatrical transformative device - of still & moving images of multiple projections. However we agreed to ensure the work is fully lead by the performance of live literature and physical theatre.

Chuffed Choked & Charged - Forward with Breakthroughs

Where to really start with the last few weeks ... Chuffed to have a made quite a positive meeting with a big iconic theatre in my region.The Executive producer there requires a project plan & budget (so timely now) also a script - to nail an offer,of 2 night performance dates early in 2012 , plus rehearsal space, professional advice support- leading to a sharing/work in progress end of august 2011. More cream on the cherry, comes in a possible offer of digital media studio technical facilities for the project - opportunities for legacy work and education young people and other artists . I am looking forward to Apples & Snakes Creative Producer , also Peepul Centre this week meeting for further partner /support deals . I have learnt and cannot emphasise enough , how important it is, to be very confident in your planning/ the use of constructive feedback , the creative technical people you choose to work with and most importantly your own proven skills, experience, ideas/vision YAY !!!

Ntzake Shangwe's For Coloured Who Have considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf Hollwywood Film (lionsgate) - has not reached my fair city of Leicester as yet ....I am choked because I wanted to see it as part of my r & d. I am all charged up , after I had watched a great interview and excerpt of Benji Reid's last performance piece and was very inspired. He was definitely the right choice for an artist like me for so many reasons. The work with Simon, all pens & paper approach to setting out- devising staging ideas, has lead naturally to the first draft script version evolving splendidly.

Another of these important breakthroughs after my session with Simon e.g. involves putting into practice my original idea, of the key importance of the number 5 in the piece. The lead characters speech is in 5 lines verse in a 5 beat rhythm (non european) . This in turn leads to writing in the characters' natural voice - to flow beautifully. Location and setting for the entire piece , dramatic key points in the narrative structure are mapped out and its likely length. This technique has created all these important artistic breakthroughs . Finally I must praise the brilliant project plan (in colours at a glance I see all ) our funding goddess has prepared, dispaying her marvellous project management skills.

Technology Tools Up the Artist & UK Cultural Leadership Clubs Put My Name On The List

So you put forward proposals (they say they cannot fund it - oh well Further Education Univerisities have been cut ) and you send poems to people who never write back which you dont expect in the literary game (I would at the very least expect acknowledgement of receipt - so you know it did not disappear into cyber space ) You know there is Further Education money around, it just wont be coming our way i.e. professional independent artists based in the community that I work with . So much for boosting the local creative economy then !

More freedom beckons on internet radio platforms, other publishing platforms and the such like - the bigger the platform the better, seems to work out best ! Creative Commons seems a useful tool - as it is best avoid intellectual property problems. The internet is always there to offer a cornucopia of possibilities, to maintian creative thrust in order for artists to get work and eat !! I have lost count now how much work I get from facebook or how handy twitter is ....a flip camera for recording rehearsals etc. I use alot of new ITC tools as an artist more than I ever could have thought of -say a few years ago.

The current project fundraiser is taking me to task and I feel a real sense of forward momentum, the whole project now seems so incredibly innovative. I understand alot of people that had to consider the project -probably did not grasp it fully. Or indeed its eventual scale. I now see the funding request was far far too modest, given the creative technical challenges and beautiful vision. More importantly its more the 'awe' factor rather than the 'wow' factor that should be aimed for . This is typical of BME artists and Cultural Leaders as they have been undervalued for long . So they undervalue themselves within a harsh arts cultural landscape (it has always been so i.e. see the statistics not just now - hence the need for 'Rebel Dreamin' - by Gaylene Gould Clore Fellow.)

I am no different I realise this dramatically - it is as if I have been operating in a cramped space for years ( and so many BME artists before me ) , not able to spread my limbs . When I all I needed was a far bigger space in order to grow , to create, take risks, to experiment fully ....this is what creates low aspiration. It also something of a feature of the region I based am in - it is caught as is is as the 'Middle Lands' (needing to big it self/identity up more ) between London, Birmingham and Manchester . So how will things change , without Black Minority Ethnic Cultural leaders ( three generations down the line now) taking their righful place, to gain more recogniton and crucially be more valued in terms of their vital contribution overall to UK arts and culture historically? How do I get my name on that list, that gets you on all the other important lists, in terms of Cultural Leadership in arts & culture ? When do we really get this truly diverse party started in the arts cultural club in the UK ? All these thoughts will be part of my consideration for a blog about being part of the my region's Cultural Olympiad, as an emerging Writer that I have been asked to write for one of my region's literature website.

Post Code Arts Lottery Taking a Punt Dancing To My Own Rhytm

I have been aware some of my peers, fellow BME artists have been busy , funding bids, they often need references who will offer this especially if they are emerging artists ? Big arts events, (and big jobs too) are being planned for the region. A couple of things, done today for myself I have sent 'Cats Leap' a poem to an internet radio station ( not sure what happens now it was - on the suggestion of an excellent high profile poet ) Plus I followed up on a Curators commission and put myself forward for a blogging, articles opportunity via a regional literary website . Let's see what can happen with these things eh as I' am just taking a punt ?

Conversely I so glad I am not in the running for a certain national showcase event (though I know some who are) having observed its regrettable in built post code bias in selection over the years. Except it is not really the centre of it all or is it ? It seems to that so many BME artists are competing in one place , like two polar bears on a shrinking lump of an iceberg....obviously they need access to many more wider mainstreamed platforms. Some artists come year after year, usual suspects - it is supposed to be for emerging artists so do they neither really need it or just come anyway as its the thing to do - not sure if its really necessary if things work as they should eh ?

Oh well it is more useful, it seems to me crack on with my own course. This I find can help maintain, freshness, perspective and originality - dancing to my own rhythm. On with the piece, so now I have to cut up the characters text that I have coloured (different colours as to what emotion it conveys) and paste in to a stage timeline /audience engagement graph oooh Simon says ...oh the joys of such an approach suits me perfectly ... he also has suggested a structural device to resolve a number of issues in the orignal Hmmm I am thinking on this in order to satisfy myself as to e overall story arc.

Right then !

So there it is wheels in motion and now just the joy of writing. Deconstructing the backstory, looking specifically at the timeline of the piece and the type and levels of engagement of the audience. This being my latest assigment following my discussion with Simon on proceeding further . Aaaah relief, no more pushing shoving , trying to get resources etc I can just focus on my real joy passion and strength- just writing and accessing my imagination . Imagination being the most precious thing in all of this. Right now it feels like there is space again for it to roam , to expand So right then ! Rebel Dreamin maybe ...

Rewriting - Everything yet still Big Thinking Prevails

A truly auspicous new year begins, (given heavenly and earthly events so far ) with arts organisations, toiling away at submitting funding bids, to the main national funder of arts & culture inthe UK. In order to continue their very existence. Months of uncertainy and little information, draw to an end come March 2011. Who will be left standing so to speak ? There would have been much writing and rewriting on the part of arts organisations, in order to meet the new goals set by the arts funder. It is also most papable - the 'competitive air' the swish and switch of real cuts to come - but also a new robustness in terms of those that will be left to continue. This project continues within this challenging climate. After seeing a number of good spoken word productions in theatres recently . I am both re-invigorated and confirmed , as to the unique space this innovative work will occupy. This is confirmed after a conversation with an artistic theatre director who has suggested putting forward the project to the producer of his large theatre- as 'new writing' The arts will need to do big thinking- that is fundamental about the arts it self . I have just received a book, not due for publication till later in the year. In the first section I have read, it ably articulates many ideas and facts - that will I am sure will set ablaze, long overdue simmering debate, regarding arts & cultural diversity in the UK . What exactly does it all really mean in relation to now ? There are many points that are finely put in the book that I agree with. It resembles a gust of fresh air, regarding this topic, for an artist like myself. There is plenty in the book , about eurocentrism, racism etc. but not nearly enough about all the other 'isms especially those faced by black women . Certainly 2011 will see the begining of this big thinking, as it is required by all of us in arts cultural sector , Further Education, Higher Education - in really moving forward...

Being a Writer On The Page & The Money Goddess

I gave Simon a poem of mine the The Bath, following a conversation we had on character development, staging and retrospective narrative. In particular old age , being infirm and the moment close to death. He highlighted a number of themes, he picked up 'by reading on the page' i.e the poem, namely the dialectic, ying/yang of ;- shadow, nemeisis , 'kushti bok woman' character (wise spiritual, philosophical ?) I had written in the back story for this project . I explained my own awareness, of recurring themes loss, abandonement, illness/afflictions of all kinds, alienation, parental issues, sex etc He assured me, this is quite as it should be for a writer. As what is on the page, is a representation of the inner/outer world of the writer. I agreed and added ,that the spice of your own experiences and other peoples, is the launch pad for your imagination. I have reviewed much of my previous writing and all of the above is confirmed. This seemed some how really very important - to give defintion to my work to date in some way ... In terms of someone else reading it on the page and the way they interpret meaning etc. for themselves. It seemed to me that I had not really thought about this aspect t enough previously maybe i.e. the possible transparency of self in your written work. Also today I met a lovely Money Goddess - i.e. a professional fundraiser - to join the story of this project at this point. For which I am hoping for the happiest of endings - so much relief joy and excitement at the propspect of working together

Enter the Arts Fundraiser or Dumbing Down For Successful Fundraising ?

I have had a lovely email back from an arts fundraiser (local) recomended by an artist friend of mine who is also using her services. She will meet with me early in the New Year , oh what joy if we can agree the time period required and price regarding my re submission, to a the leading funding body for the arts in the UK. Such is the way of things, as I is need to be able to concentrate more fully on art rather than being an arts administrator etc. I had a strange conversation with an artist colleague, after discussing how generally to be accepted as an excellent artist by ones peers , said same artists do not get funded in many cases. My own a case in point to date. I have directly received grants as such for development as an artist bar one for soudn engineering msuic technoly they padi 50% of a £2000 course I paid the rest myself . As I was more of an arts entrepreneur in terms of my own development. He began to recount his many refusals also of arts grants funds. As a result his advice was that you should 'dumb down' your proposals, emphasise how much you need 'their help' to succeed , dumb down a bit your achievements, capabilities and definitely your entrepreneurial spirit in particular, past excellence of what you have done and importantly hope to do, only with their help of course. He seemed utterly convinced that this was the way forward. I could not help but reflect on what he said and how this may apply for next year in an ever increasing competitive 'market ' for grants . I found it useful to refer back to the end of my March 2010 blog !

The Really Big Curve

What a big learning curve this year has been ...so many things went right (creative team champions, advisory group, writing the text, dramaturg, poetry writing, improved social media skills ie. certificate from De Montfort Univerisity used for arts work & to create interest in my poetic writing i.e.200+ people, first poem published in a literary magazine 'Hearing Voices' , the role & value of creative collaboration ) but also so many other very important things unexpectedly and sadly went awry too (grants funding , not being able to access approved funds to further develop project (can only access by getting matching funds) rescheduling dates/venues, Alan Sillitoe's passing etc.

My challenge is not to be frustrated (whilst dreaming of an Apple Mac pro (an essential basic but very important tool I need for the project to create & run everything ) but to remain completely focused but not tunnle visioned as I may have been before and definitely not assume to much on the part of others ! so an adminstrator has been contacted for their services to do funding bids entirely and I suggest this investment is the only way for an artist like me to go. I found one on a recomendation from an other artist colleague Mellow - we will see how we both get on...

However we continue onwards and upwards but more savvy to the ways of the arts world, with its really big competitive challenges. It is a comfort to know my inspiration is ever present. I recently attended an event Upstream for work, but could not help to be uplifted by the artists there. The conversation and shared experiences and my friend and colleague Gaylene'Gould's (Clore Fellow) concept of 'rebel dreamin' .my knowledge grows exponentially.

I have had recently the pleasure of seeing two pieces of poetry/spoken work, in a theatrical setting in my home town . One directed the other not, this has helped me enormously. Simon (he is helping with text and devising ) came along also for the second piece. I realise I have seen or been lucky to have worked with/alongside a number of of different artists - both regional, national. Excellent artists like ,Will Power, Jean 'Binta' Breeze, Joolz Denby, Benji Reid , Aoiffe Mannix, Salena Godden, Patrick Neate, El Crisis, Lebo Mashile, Lemn Sissay, Kat Francois, Floetic Lara, David J Pugilist , Michael'Sure Shot' Brome ' Zena Edwards, Polar Bear . At the end of this year, this deacade, even I am convinced even more of the value, of what this project is about, the people I am workign with ,are more than capable to deliver such a unique piece of work , that is so timely , cutting edge, innovative - so very beautifully BIG !!!

Ntozake Shangwe's - For Coloured Girls who have considered Sucide When the Rainbow Was Enuf' - Shock Film Adaption

Oh well another big shock !!! Ntozake Shangwe's' choreopoem -for Coloured Girls who have considered suicide when the Rainbow Was Enuf' - piece has been made into a USA film . I have just watched the film trailer . It appears to have been given the full Hollywood treatment, which fills me with dismay - I will see the full film but I dread it too. The casting alone causes concern - Janet Jackson (anodyne), Macey Gray (who I like) two popular singers feature in roles. On the Strand radio program BBC World Service, a afro american woman n Journalist gave quite a balanced review. Noting the difficulty,the challenge of a non linear work of poems i.e. taking all that and making it into a film. But neverless she continued to list its considerable short comings. Clearly huge changes were made for the film and male cahracter additions, for 'the market'. This is further established, by an interview with the author herself, I paraphrase here - Ntozake was pleased that her work - (which is 37 years old,) was to join with Tyler Perry Producer/Director ? (populist Fim /Soap Maker) demographics (my italics) .... On hearing this I sagged visibly - with Hollywood (which has in my view completely lost its lead artistic mojo - but not money making ability) - money always talks. This film will go the way of other USA Black Women's Writers work ' Waiting to Exhale' 'Colour Purple' all Hollywood commercial 'benign lobotomies' in filmic terms to me. The Writers having given their approval, for wholesale changes for business rather than wholly artistic reasons I would guess. . It will of course be, de rigeur for everyone black woman across the diaspora to see it and comment upon it. Alongside the sound track etc and the 'bad' black male characters added in. If only it had been made somewhere else Europe say- how truly beautiful it could be...how more faithful to is innovative structure . Of late I seem to only be able to enjoy european /world films - they are more everything, so more satisfying- good stories, great convincing acting , visuals etc. the difference between a fully home cooked meal and quick packet of crisps. So two key pieces of literature that have inspired me for my own piece - in their own way, for different reasons, have come back into the public spotlight - the DVD issue of the orginal film of 'The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner' and now a Hollywood film of a play For Coloured Girls etc. Of course this is excellent , for people to become aware of these brilliant writers and their classic works - enjoyed by my generation and others to come . As they are now in the public domain, more in the forefront etc. But I do wonder - how this may all impact on what I am doing and the project from now on ?

Hearing Voices - Underground Railroad & Rebel Dreaming

Well a really good week , my first poem ever published in a literary magazine 'Hearing Voices' is out, talking with Simon ( he had me out Weds with the HD flip camera filming shots for the piece great !), Setting new dates for 2011 Decibel maybe a 'Sustained Theatre East Midlands (STEM) BME arts Showcase around the same time - feels good . Meet with a colleague with international arts contacts , interested in the project - who said that 'Rebel Dreaming' is what Black Minority Ethnic artists have always had to do. She coaches artists in the 'Underground Railroad' Network .' As she was speaking there was much that struck a chord . I visited their web site -it got my attention. I am keen for her to meet other colleagues of mine and may be do some work with her myself . To get my head on straight as an artist, rather than an arts manager/mentor for others ete. The Momentum Festival has been very interesting this week at Curve (nearly missed some of it !) and beneficial , new pieces of work , discussion e.g. Talawa question is 'Black Theatre ambitious enough ? My contribution was short and succinct (very well received too)- it sure is and just needs to be left alone to be free - in expressing it own stories in its own way , with whole hearted support.

Depression bites then new zest !

I have not written for a while as everything I had worked on for over a year (research -year and a half or so) sort of came to an abrupt halt . Such desolation abounds within and with out me ! By virtue of also having a day job as well - there has been so much work to do there. But as always things happen I have reviewed some poems and text with a view to more tweaking. The narrative story is still as strong as it ever was, also my committment despite the severe setbacks ( arts grant being curtailed etc) . All will definitely help to create a stronger work . I'm massively encouraged (though I just missed a chance to see the piece at Curve Theatre the other week ) Vertical road by Akram Khan which has had rave reviews . I read the Guardian newspaper review and was so excited by the fact that it had some Butoh influences . This gladdened by own heart as I had submitted myself earlier in the year ( I knew butoh would unlock some of the physical theatre the piece needed) to the wonderful rigours of Elena Boschi's Butoh Workshop. I am so lucky to have a bona fide Butoh (Japanese physical theatre /dance) practitioner in my own city. Benji Reid is also coming back to Leicester I cannot wait to see and work with him again. Fortunately things happen at the most unexpected places and times. I went Nottingham Liming and met an old Club Promoter Richard Frost colleague I had not seen for over 20years, he works in digital visuals and yes I told him about our project and yes he is interested in getting involved. This was also before I saw his West End based London company Media Zest website .....oh the joy - as there I found the most divine neat digital visual delights - I was thrilled !

The One That Got Away Saying So Non! & Coming Up ....

So part from postponing all the dates there was one that got away !! I did what I had to do but was more than gently persusaded to do 'something' on one of the dates in a ill advised phone conversation in a state of some distress . This of course was an eon ago and so much been going on in the mean time so other comittments made. But more importantly to use an analogy 'you cannot serve uncooked food to guests right ? Even if you want to tantalise them with them with the most delectable spicy morsels, that you have collected and prepared .. Given the current state of matters . This is impossible of course . So I have to say again NON !

In a meeting recently where people, programmer artistic directors and producers talked in a weak way, about supporting performing artists (like it was something they had never done beofre ) Everything they were talking about focused exclusive on the 18-30 age group . I wonder what on earth -are we to do with those that fall outside of this group ? Europe also this almost fetishistic focus on youth become tedious . What about those older people (we are a growing groupp demographically) with rich life experience, passionate view points, creativity, real artistic power and expertise even ? Those that may challenge and provoke more thorough there art they are kept marginalised .

I despair sometimes truly. On the up I am building up foundations and scaffolding more slowly and surely than I ever before. So confidence rises with this new learning , examination , reflection and construction . My some of my poetry is to be published soon in a magazine. Along side, the fact that I am being included on a website featuring UK post colonial writers/literature, curated by a respected Litereature Academic . I am bouyed by this so keeping always on the up. Last but not least a significant Sillitoe contact has been made as well the joy of me attending an Alan Sillitoe Event Celebrating the Writer- in Nottingham .

House Music Heals - Heavenly

We are all in a dfficult place due to all the government cuts etc., nobody knows exactly what is going to happen . It is time to get down to basics and I find myself revisiting those things that not only inspired me, but also nourished, in their own therapuetic way . I keep coming back to the power of music but not just any music. There is so much music ,that can make you feel dreadful. No I am talking about the magical power of USA deep soulful house music of the 90's. In particular the music I experienced first hand, in some of the best clubs around the world. Those who grew up with this music, now with their more settled lives , family etc. Recall and play the music in the main, rather than talk of the DJ's -which is interesting. As I suppose that was where the real lasting connection was made - with the people, their mind, bodies and soul . This incredible musical phenomena, is ripe for more mainstream appreciation of it cultural prevalence and legacy . As most writing is about the DJ's and labels. There has been very little writing across the media or academia , over the years about the roots and innovation of the actual Black & Hispanic and Gay artists that made and enjoyed the music. Or particularly the role of largely Black singers, the Black Divas - with their gospel, spiritualized delivery . With the power to totally transform powerfully and uplift your mood with a combination of searing vocals aligned with irresistable percussive beats , and all manor of novel lush keyboards sounds

The Artists Voice in the midst of Calamities

Well it seems the artist's voice will not be heard - however artists will always try to make their voice heard above the clamour - for cuts, down sizing reductions , change of remit purpose, opening up arts venues to be more outward facing, job losses etc. how to measure the impact of the arts on the pubic etc. and all other manner of calamities that may come to the arts cultural sector - the same across the board. What is clear is the need to work together more closely, share resources, partnership, collaboration is need more than ever. Those not used to it this will find it all very strange and disruptive . For myself I am planning my next moves, as there is much to re-configure, momentum to be regained and re- aligments to be made.

Always my muse never fails and clear ideas are emerging on the music and visuals front for the project . There is my support team's unfailing comittment, tempered only by the current climate cuts etc. Close Team working will be critical for sucess.

It seems to me it is often the case particularly for a many Black artists on the margins they face considerable added obstacles so the all the arts sector docuementated evidence states. I am happy but chastened by the fact that I have only ever had one arts grant back in the 8O's from a public funding body. Much of my success and achievement were made through my own my own efforts. This entrepreneurial spirit has served me very well to date but what of the future ? How will all this affect the arts and artists voice - specifically those not platformed or championed in the mainstream currently ?

Postponement - will the artists voice be heard ?

This will be brief at this point , as is has not all settled in yet - as of thursday we received and another grant bursary non approval. This came at critical stage so following a creative team consultation. A decison has been taken not to compromise the artistic vision and quality of the project and to therefore postpone the forthcoming arts venues dates in our region. The current arts funding situation, within the economic climate will probably only get worse as organizations become more conservative. As they receive an ever increasing number of grant requests, inevitably innovative work will not be supported. We will continue with the project, prioritising seeking and applying to other funding sources. We will focus on the many other postive aspects to the project, as everything is more or less in place. As a creative team our other partners, champions and supporters are agreed, they will continue to support us in bringing this project forward as intended. In the meantime I have been invited to sit on a regional panel for to a network of arts practitioners. To speak about the artists voice within the arts cultural sector - I am now suddenly, very clear on what I may well say.

Drama Director some dialectics and publication !!!

What an incredible week, I have someone on the grant question re- writing, I have doen a project timetable - feeling vey postive about this (I assist). Then I actually gave my back story to a friend ( a former Head of Drama Director, Performer etc) who has taken it a way and make notes on the key themes of the piece, asked the right questions and indicated where more expansion is needed in terms of the structure. What has been brillant is his insightfulness, his whole inituitive and knowledgable feel for the piece - he seems to pull my underpining ideas out from out of my head .e.g. the dialectics within the piece . This is most gratifying and gives me the most incredible 'creative buzz' He is also advising on staging , visuals etc pity he cannot direct he would indeed be the ideal... I am so champing on the bit ready to start with the next stage ......also this week recognition !!!! A really great review and the publication of my poem 'Just Peachey' this week in the esteemed Leicester Poetry Society, my a reading I previously gave for them was a smash ! I will be able to send out that to the regional 'litterati' and include it in my biography etc. Also sessioning with a asian jazz fusion band , working with a classical master and learning about their quawvalli music its structure. So just groovin' it can never be all calm, something of an IT 'event horizon' at work this morning ....oh well onward.